Desperate Times
by Tribal Matriarch
Summary: A one shot I wrote ages ago. What if Bella didn't react as she did in the books?


It was strange, I had not planned it at all.

As I ran through the narrow, steep, cobbled street of the tiny Italian town I stumbled, my hands shot out in front of me, catching me before I fell flat on my face, and my fingers brushed it. A shard of mirror, probably from the wing mirror from a car, these streets were so narrow that it was a surprise that there wasn't glass everywhere.

This narrow piece of silvered glass could be the answer I needed. I knew it wasn't only Edward that was attracted to my blood, Alice had said I smelled good the first time she met me, Laurent had said it too. If I was too late for Edward, then I had a solution. I had contemplated suicide several times during the darkness that followed Edward leaving me, but knowing he was somewhere… that maybe I could see him again someday, had kept me from it. That and poor Charlie, I couldn't make him be the one to find me, not after everything I had put him through. However I also knew that Alice would have seen what I was just thinking, and her threat of "doing her damndest to get me back to Charlie" was at risk, thank god that she had turned the car around and was heading back out so she could dump it and come back in.

I shook my head to clear it of the negative thoughts and slipped the improvised weapon into the back pocket of my jeans as one of the many in the crowd helped me back to my feet, I nodded a quick thanks and stumbled slightly before getting my feet back under me, the pre-chimes were sounding, I had less than fifteen seconds!

Thank God that the street ended in the plaza with the clock tower in it, just as Alice had said. I burst into the full sunlight, blinded for a split second. Where was north?! Oh yes, Alice said we were at the south, I ran straight into the packed crowd, pushing and jostling, saying sorry and excuse me to people who probably couldn't understand.

"Salve! San Marco," the crowd roared, however it was all deafened by the chimes that had started to strike the hour.

I made it through the fountain as the second of the twelve chimes sounded… the alley was there, but I was still too far away, the third chime sounded, the cobbles at my feet vibrated with the noise, I was so close to the bells now.

I pushed past the crowds, four…five…six my throat hurt from the screams issuing from it, but it made no difference, the crowd, the bells, I could not make myself heard, seven… I finally slammed into him as the clock struck eight, "Amazing," he gasped, his arms coming around me, "Carlisle was right," the clock sounded again, nine, not that it mattered any more, however Edward was still exposed, I had to get him to move.

At last, as the booming clock struck twelve Edward retreated from the light, the procession moved into the church and only the cheering crowd was left in the streets… but we were facing danger once more… this time from behind, a pair of vampires!

As we touched down in Seattle the whole Cullen clan was waiting for us.

"She's dead on her feet," the words floated around in the air, the cokes and coffee were wearing off at last, "let's get her home." There was some reason I didn't want to go home, but I couldn't for the life of me think why.

Alice soon left with Jasper, and after helping me out of the building Esme and Carlisle left too.

I didn't particularly want to go in a car with Rose, after all she almost caused Edwards death, but I was just too tired to care, and after all she was his sister. Emmett was quiet, he smiled at me but it wasn't the whole hearted grin I was used to seeing from him. Someone else I was responsible for upsetting. If only I hadn't been stupid none of this would have happened.

I forgave Rosalie as soon as she asked me, I had nothing really against her, I knew where the blame lay. With the human!

They pulled up outside home, and Charlie was livid. I remember rousing myself slightly to defend Edward, but then sleep came over me again.

I awoke, I blinked my eyes quickly, the clock said it was 01:03… it was dark outside so it looked like I had slept almost the whole day through. I sank back towards sleep, but something nagged at me to wake, I opened my eyes again and this time looked up, he was there, but unlike the other times, he wasn't made of mist… I reached out a hand and touched his face, he was real! I had gone from hallucination to true delusion! A sob ripped through me as my hands trembled against his face, or… maybe this was heaven? Oh god! Poor Charlie!

"You're not dead." My frowning angel said. I babbled on about death, life and other things, my head slowly clearing of sleep, my dreams came back to me, the vampire city and small girls with evil powers, was it real?

"All real," I thought he couldn't read my thoughts? This will prove that I am dead or at least still dreaming. However if it was a dream, or even a delusion, I wanted to stay in it. It was less painful than reality by a long way. Soon I would wake up, or Charlie would see I had finally lost it and have me committed like Renée had told him to months ago… gee thanks again mom!

I looked up into his beautiful face, I no longer cared, at least I had him for now… and when he left me, I had a solution for that too, I could feel the hard surface of the glass still in my back pocket. Though if it was a dream…

I shook my head again. Have you ever noticed that you don't die in dreams? You get close, you can be falling, or drowning, or on fire…. But before that last breath, you wake. Maybe that was the answer, as soon as dream/delusion Edward left me I could take the illusionary piece of glass and wake myself up.

Edward was talking again, I kept speaking, not really knowing what I was saying. I would have said anything to keep him with me a little longer. He moved to kiss me, that was just too far! My brain just couldn't stop torturing me!

I jumped out of bed and stood with my back to the door.

"When I wake up," I saw Edward go to protest and changed what I was saying, "When you leave again it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

He protested again, was he too late? Was it because he hurt me? You would think that he would understand, being a figment of my imagination my brain should have told him what I was feeling!

But he did kiss me, hard and passionate, proving once more that it was all a dream. Edward had never kissed me like this, not even when he left me behind. My heart pounded, jagged and disjointed.

"By the way," he said, "I'm not leaving you." He had said that before, so many times. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," he added. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life…"

"I never wanted a normal life, if you weren't in it!" I interrupted him. "Well at least now the decision is out of your hands."

"If you mean the Volturi…" I nodded, "Don't worry about them, they don't even note the passing of years, you could be thirty before they even remember…"

I pushed him away from me, and of course he let me, there was no way I could have managed to do it otherwise.

" _Thirty!_ " his face set in a grimace, as if he had been caught saying something wrong, and he had! He STILL had no intention of changing me! I felt my heart contract in my chest, the empty feeling was back again, I had known it was too good to be true, he never wanted me.

"I need a human moment," I opened the door and slipped out, across the hall silently. I locked the bathroom door as I went in.

Looking in the mirror I knew, there was no way someone like me could ever be good enough for someone like Edward to love me forever, I carefully took the shard of glass from my back pocket, he would smell the blood quickly, I had seconds before Alice called. Even in a dream or delusion they could stop me.

I slipped my shirt off, leaving me in a camisole top, in the movies the people always slit their wrists, but I knew better, I placed the shard against the crook of my elbow and without hesitation drew the glass upwards, splitting the brachial artery. The pain was bad, but the glass so sharp that it wasn't excruciating. I quickly swapped the glass to my left hand but the bathroom door shattered before I could do anything with it. Blood filled the air and I felt light headed as the smell hit me. Edward's eyes were black, as they had been ever since Italy. I was finally convinced it wasn't a dream, a dream would have been kinder.

I turned my cut arm outwards to him. "Bella!" his hand gripped me like a vice. Cutting the blood flow, his thumb pressing on the artery at the top of my arm.

"I can't live knowing you don't want me!" I cried dropping the shard as my arm went numb through lack of circulation.

"Carlisle!" Edward shouted, my head spun, the smell of blood, the emotional trauma, you name it. I felt as if I was floating away.

"What's going on here!" Charlie burst out of his room, the baseball bat that usually stayed above his bed on a shelf in his hand.

Carlisle was suddenly in the room as well.

"Sorry dad," I whispered as the room went black.

 **EPoV**

I felt like tearing my hair out! What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she understand? My phone rang and I flipped it open quickly, Charlie's snores hitched a little at the ringtone but soon settled.

"Alice!" I hissed, annoyed.

"BELLA!" She shouted, my head shot towards the bathroom and I smelled it! Blood, more to the point, Bella's blood. What the hell?

I shot through the door, not even bothered about keeping quiet, she was stood, looking in the mirror, her face calm and serene, blood pumped out of the artery in her arm. She had a five inch cut, right along it.

"Bella!" I grabbed her arm and pressed my thumb into the top of the artery to stop the blood loss. Bella's face paled and it was obvious she was on the verge of passing out.

"I can't live knowing you don't want me!" she cried, her hand opened and a piece of what looked like a mirror fell to the floor and shattered. What had I done to her? Had I really made her this desperate to become like me?

"Carlisle!" I shouted automatically, Bella slumped into me, my free arm caught and held her safe from impact even while I kept pressure on with my other hand.

"What's going on here?" Charlie! I had been distracted so much I had forgotten to listen out for him. He came out of his bedroom brandishing a baseball bat.

"Sorry dad," Bella whispered, I doubt he heard it because at that second Carlisle arrived beside me and his hand joined mine on Bella's upper arm.

"I've got her," he said softly, but I wouldn't let go. This was all my fault and I was going to sort it this time.

"What the hell are you two doing in here? Bella?" Charlie was shouting, he hadn't yet seen Bella, or what she had done to herself.

"Charlie! Let me see to Bella. You can have a go at Edward later." He bent down assessing the cut on her arm. She had done a good job of it. The artery wasn't cut across, it was cut lengthways, the slightest easing of pressure and blood pumped out with frightening pressure.

"I love you, I'm sorry I wasn't enough." She said three times, as if not sure that I got the message, but she was desperate to deliver it.

"I love you!" I told her, shaking her slightly to wake her so she could hear. A sob ripped through the tiny room.

"Save her!" Charlie was almost hysterical, not surprising with the amount of blood that was flowing over the walls and floor. I met Carlisle's gaze, he told me what I already knew.

It was too late.

Either I change her now and hope she had enough blood still in her body… which was likely, thank God as I had caught her quickly… or I allowed her to die.

I felt a blinding pain in my throat and then the almost familiar sensation of burning.

Fire raced up my right arm from the crook of my elbow, strange… I thought… I could have sworn I cut the other arm, fire attacked my left arm too now, I felt movement, fire raced down both legs, I think I screamed. I'm sure I did. There was no way that my small fragile, human body could contain so much pain without letting it out in some way.

Only one thought clearly passed through my mind during the burn.

I'm changing. That means he wants me.


End file.
